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Alive Again

May 3, 2018

 

They say sticks and stones may break your bones but words can never hurt you. Sounds easy right?

 

Almost a year ago my own father told me I was dead to him, and sadly I believed those words, and a part of me died inside.  But today, I am still breathing, and I am alive.

 

This is my vow to myself, my children, my husband, my family, and to everyone that reads this.  

I will thank God everyday for this beautiful life I have been blessed with, and I will learn and grow from my pain always.  

 

I allowed words to hurt me, because I believed them.  

I wasn't living my life the way I wanted.  I wasn't being the mom I wanted, the wife, the person.  

 

Why am I letting these words define my happiness?

Why am I sitting on my floor crying, feeling sorry for myself that my own father wants nothing to do with me?

 

I am not writing this for pity, I want you to understand the place I was in, and the pain I was feeling.

It didn't make me feel better, it only made me feel worse.

 

When something or someone hurts you, you've got two choices, keep letting it, or make a change.  

I have spent far too many days crying over my father's acceptance, his validation. WHY?  

Why do we all need a pat on the back?  Something to numb our pain or take it away? Someone to pick us up?  We don't!

 

Today I am grateful for this lesson, and know that nobody can break me down.  

I have control over my mind, my feelings, and my life.  

 

We have an idea what life should be like, and who should be in it, who should always support us, and love us just the way we are. 

But here's the reality, it looks different for all of us, so get those ideas out of your mind.

 

Here's the truth that I have come to learn, no one in this life is going to have your back but God.  

Stop waiting for someone to stand behind you and cheer you on,  to tell you you're beautiful, you're smart, you can be anything, you can do anything.  

 

You have everything you need to feel great inside of you, so believe it.  

I believe with my whole heart this life we are all blessed to live is a gift, a gift to be grateful for, and we are here to learn from it, so we can fully enjoy living and enjoy the people in it. 

 

I know many of you are hurting just like I was.  You have lost someone in your life whether it be through death, abandonment, divorce, or a break up.  Whatever it is, something hurt you so badly, you let your pain win and take over your life.  

 

Don't let that hurt break you, fight through that pain and learn from it.  

 

I am so blessed with so many amazing people in my life, and you are too.  We all are.  We're all right where we need to be. 

 

My hope for you, and my father, is that you fight through your pain, fight for kindness, fight for forgiveness, fight for love, and become alive again.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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